I didn’t realize it until today, but I am technically an escort. At first, I assumed that escorts exchange sex for money. That's when I looked up the definition.
“Someone who is paid for their time often compared to a prostitute.”
While I am not asked to perform sexual acts or to go on an outing, I do receive quite a bit of money through donations from friends. I feel bad asking for money all the time, but I noticed that when a person really likes you, they are willing to go above and beyond. This is the reason I have to be careful about who I choose to make friendships. Friendship is a big responsibility for me. I have to care about the other person and their feelings. According to the music I listen to, not many people care about other people.
So how did I become an escort? Because technically most of these people that give me money on Cashapp are like old hookups or friends with benefits. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t know how I would be surviving. A life without drugs would be insanity. In this lifetime, you need something to help calm you down or stimulate your brain.
I usually try to make friends with wealthy people, because they usually come with more maturity and fewer issues. Plus there is the benefit of trying out new things, like the fancy new technology or checking out someone’s business after hours. I never wanted to use people for money so I think I subconsciously went around that by saying that friends usually pay for other friends as an act of kindness or respect for their time. If I show up at your house and hang out for 4 hours, I’d expect the friend to cover the Uber ride, the drugs, and the money part.
When I had my car I noticed that people would ask me for transportation, and they would give me gas money. Or if the person knows I drove to their house and it was a long trip they would sometimes give me $40 bucks to cover for gas. These are all things that I would never do personally, but it shows me who is a gentleman and who isn't.
I guess people really are that lonely. I noticed it is usually older men, out of shape, and not the most attractive. The sugar daddy type. But when I look at how things go in the straight world, they are used to paying for their girlfriends. So I guess it isn't so bad that I accept the money given to me, whether I ask for it or not. I just have a thing with borrowing money, and it is that you must donate the money to me without an expectation of me giving it back. I hate borrowing money, it puts me in debt and makes me feel like I need to hurry up or I will lose a friendship. It gives me quite a bit of anxiety to pay someone back, so I don't do it.
So while I recover from what feels like the downfall of my company, and an endless onslaught of unemployment, I just keep asking for money in my routine. I’m starting to get to know when people’s paychecks are coming in and what bills they have to pay in addition to taking care of me.
What a shame, 29 years old and I need someone to take care of me…